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The views that transform us

What others see us, affects our self -esteem and can even change us, internally and externally. They value us – and we like ourselves more, they love us – and we are good.

“I felt like a beauty for the week that I was visiting a friend in Italy,” admits 38-year-old Alena. – the views of strangers full of sympathy returned me faith to me – and she staggered a lot after the divorce. Arriving, I smiled by inertia passers -by … And they were in no hurry to smile back.

Ovo je osjetljivo područje relevantno i još uvijek je malo zaobilazno. Kad izgladite dno muškog lica, nesvjesno je naglasio njegovu muškost. Jednostavna setola ne samo da gleda samo seks, već i otvara vrata s zadovoljstvom, jer, sildenafil cijena njoj, potiče točke u kojima kosa na licu dođe u kontakt s kožom.

In the office (I work in a large company), my colleagues welcomed me – but no more. Impersonal, functional relations in the team have developed for a long time, but before it seemed to me normal. And here I first felt disappointment, confusion and even some kind of loneliness “.

A friendly look is better than any mirrors and weights by which we judge ourselves and our appearance. Feeling ourselves interesting, pleasant, beautiful, we really become so. How this mysterious transforming force acts?

The power of a loving look

In the life of each of us there is a first glance – the one that our mother looked at us. Attentive or enthusiastic, infinitely delicate or indifferent. “From this gaze, the baby literally absorbs all maternal feelings and emotions,” explains the psychoanalyst Anatoly Borsuchenko-Dolgopol. – That is how the foundations of his personality begin to take shape. “. However, the expert emphasizes, “the attitude of a mother or father to her child is never one -dimensional and unequivocal”. Admiration (“I have a daughter!”) Or involuntary disappointment (” Again a girl … “) – the unconscious desires and expectations of parents influence each human life. So, if the father or mother see only his own continuation in the child – the one who should translate their desires and dreams – he, trying to earn parental love, gradually abandons his own desires and eventually becomes a stranger to himself. “He can become very dependent on the opinions of others and spend a lot of efforts to please everyone,” says Anatoly Borsuchenko-Dolgopolov. – On the contrary, if from the first months of his life the child felt that he pleases his parents, that he is valuable and they love them as it is, there is a feeling of love for himself, which will always support him and help him in life ”.

As 42-year-old Marina recalls, in childhood, her parents affectionately called her both the “beautiful princess” and “our disorder”. “They made me an invaluable gift: I felt like a beautiful girl and at the same time could be worn around the yard with the boys or, for example, engage in aircraft modeling. I never had to suffer questions about my appearance, I like myself as it is, and I can do what I like. “.

I like it sufficiently so as not to waste time on experiences because of your appearance-this is the “good narcissism” that gives us confidence: we are valuable as we are. Otherwise, no efforts to correct external imperfections will heal the soul. Does this mean that those who did not get the power of the mother’s first glance are doomed to dislike? “This is not always the case,” the psychologist Evgeny Osin encourages. – We can make up for a lack of love for ourselves later – step by step working on our family history, thanks to healing meetings with friendship and love. “.

The softness of a friendly look

Since childhood, 27-year-old Aliya considered herself a gray mouse. Her, the middle of the three sisters and two brothers, did not stand out in the family. But once she agreed to the offer of a friend who studied for a stylist, become a model for her diploma photo shoot. “Thin profile, magnificent hair, legs from the ears … At first I thought that she was talking about someone else!”Glancing at herself with other eyes, the girl saw” a bright, maybe even a beautiful woman “. This discovery greatly changed her attitude towards herself and the manner of communicating with others.

“The respectful attention of others, their fair attitude and their recognition of our value help us to see ourselves more clearly and feel that we have the right to be ourselves,” explains Evgeny Osin. “Truly supports the look of the one who kindly perceives the differences and special features of the other,” says the psychoanalyst and sexologist Catherine Blanc (Catherine Blanc). -And with its compliments or tips, it helps us to reveal our own beauty, which was previously not visible due to a lack of self-esteem or faith in ourselves. “. At the same time, the psychoanalyst adds, excessive directness against the shortcomings – figures, manners to dress, hairstyles or makeup – can be very painful, since here we risk “touching the spiritual wounds of another (for example, a sense of rejection in childhood), about which we do not know anything about nothing”. Not to mention the fact that the share of unconscious rivalry and jealousy can be hidden in a friendly look;It is always affected by our own story, and therefore we are subjective. 46-year-old Inna is difficult to worry that she “blurred”, and even harder-compliments like “how you succeed in such delicious forms!”From the lips of a friend who” sits on a diet, she should add half a kilo “. “A friendly gaze encourages and comforts when it opens up something that we ourselves consider it true,” Catherine Blanc said. – Only he and the loving look make us beautiful “.

The power of the gaze in love

“He has a truly magical force,” says Catherine Blanc. -Thanks to him, we feel unique, and this makes us confident: the body is liberated, the eyes shine, the face is illuminated by a smile … ”Nina’s love was transformed by 30-year-old Sergey, who was always shy about her body of a“ big peps ”:“ who would believe, ”that even with my 20 kilograms of excess weight, I can feel attractive: for the first time in my life, women began to be interested in me!”But much depends on whether we read love in the eyes of another or only desire. “The one who experiences only lust for us is eager to satisfy his needs with us,” emphasizes Evgeny Osin. – In his eyes we are only an object of desire. Whereas for the loving we are both an object and a subject in a love relationship. “. A loving look perceives us in our human integrity and therefore makes us beautiful.

Our appearance is part of our unique personality. It is always open to the views of others – evaluating, friendly, categorical … The look is able to discourage or give strength, destroy or revive life. So we will remember this when we look at other people. And especially – for themselves.

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